- Have lots of money
- Go to the throne of Czar Blatter at FIFA headquarters
- Dump the money on his desk
- Host the tournament, too, even when you don't have the stadiums, square mileage or the talent
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
How to Qualify for the World Cup
Thursday, December 2, 2010
I have complete confidence in Qatar'$ ability to ho$t the World Cup in 2022.
The 91st Minute would al$o like to congratulate Qatar on becoming the $malle$t nation in the world to ho$t the World Cup a$ they will welcome the world'$ be$t footballing nation$ in 2022. There is $ome controver$y $urrounding the eligiblity and playing ability of Qatar'$ national team, but Czar Blatter a$$ure$ Qatar will do very well ho$ting, playing, and otherwi$e. $ize doe$ not matter, the FIFA pre$ident $aid behind hi$ de$k loaded with $pecial paperweight$ $tamped with the new FIFA logo, which i$ $aid to be "a funny looking S".
In Russia, soccer votes for you!
The 91st Minute wishes to congratulate the country of Russia for being chosen to host the 2018 FIFA World Cup. Russia will uphold the noble and honourable traditions of this great tournament as is the wish of their most gracious and upstanding state government (Agents in room. Have not seen family for thirty days. Send $50 to...)
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
My first blog post about Elizabeth Lambert from '09
Unless you spent the past two weeks in comatose or you wagered a fortnight's worth of television on the Packers to win in Tampa, you probably heard of Elizabeth Lambert of the University of New Mexico Lobos. Lambert plays defense for her university's women's soccer team, and incurred the "tsk tsk" of North American media outlets for violent conduct on a soccer pitch...
Violence in SOCCER? NOT SOCCER? WHY THE BEAUTIFUL GAME IS TOO PURE AND HOLY TO BE DEFILED BY SUCH ACTIONS!
Indeed she did; in case you never saw the clips or can't see them enough, please watch the following highlight clip below this paragraph. This news item is brought to you by ESPN, Youtube, and the number 15...
Elizabeth Lambert on ESPN
I must state, before I begin, Ms. Lambert's conduct was deplorable and reprehensible. Her actions embarrassed the game of soccer, the NSCAA, the University of New Mexico, Brigham Young University, both sets of players, coaches, fans, her family and friends, and most of all the individual named Elizabeth Lambert. There is no telling what damage her on-field actions will do to her career and reputation as her university handed her an indefinite suspension from the program. I agree with the action UNM took in suspending Ms. Lambert, however, the following list of reasons will serve to explain why we can't blame Ms. Lambert for being that girl in the soccer highlights.
5. Brigham Young University
This selection sounds like a cop-out to the casual observer because it could be any other university at #5. What counts here is BYU wanted to win and in the worst way possible (1-0). Whether it is in team sports or military combat, the enemy is no longer human; they are a 'roadblock' standing between you and success. Elizabeth Lambert and her UNM teammates believed BYU was that 'roadblock' to overcome, and Ms. Lambert took the example to heart.
Perhaps she was returning similar favours from previous contests with BYU or other opponents? Perhaps 'the opponent' ran up the score on her team, reduced her goalie and teammate to a puddle of tears, and even found the back of the net from 30 yards out? Perhaps someone called her a name she did not like? We will never know; what remains is a four minute highlight tape of Ms. Lambert's worst moments as a soccer player and Brigham Young's finest student athletes being taken advantage of by a ruthless opponent.
Whether Ms. Lambert played against BYU or any other college would make little or no difference; since there is no evidence she premeditated actions on the players of BYU, it stands to reason she would have behaved the same way that hour of that day against any other team UNM played against.
4. Coaching
Before typing this essay, I watched one of the Big East semifinals and the Big East championship on CBS College Sports Channel for some background information on the college game. A conference championship should be a big deal in the United States, at least in college football anyway. Both the semifinal, which pit Notre Dame against St. John's, and the final, again featuring Notre Dame and Marquette, were almost carbon copies of each other in three respects.
Another sticking point, for example, is the loss of urgency in the college game. Marquette is losing 2-1 with the clock ticking down and their coach refuses to change from a rigid 4-4-2 formation to a hurry-up, everyone forward, long ball attack mode. Punctuating this lack of creativity is a ridiculous Marquette throw-in along the sidelines to no one other than Irish midfielders. Before college coaches can hope to revolutionize the game of soccer, they must first catch up with the times.
Ms. Lambert took advantage of these outdated tactics employed in college soccer when she used violent tactics to break up ancient offensive strategies.
3. The Ref
They are nameless, overweight, awkward, ghastly, wearing mustard yellow and black Tye Dye outfits, and they make Brett Hull's winner in '99 look legitimate (Hi Jim Kelley!).
The referee during this fiasco comes in at #3 because again like most nameless, one game only referees in the college game he lacked training in handling this powder keg. One question arises during the highlight package ESPN spun together of Ms. Lambert's last game: "Why did the referee permit this to go on?"
There is no answer because the referee has no name, no reputation, and there is no evidence of a formal review process. If any of the previous three things are known to the general public, then there could be an avenue for one to investigate further into the actions and abilities of the referee and his linesmen (if anyone has information to the contrary, please let me know so I can post it as a reply/update and avoid legal trouble. I don't like going after referees like this, but I have very little to go on. Thanks!).
There was an apology from Ms. Lambert, yet no word from the NSCAA about the status of the officials in charge during that game, and if they are still officiating for the NSCAA. If there was information about these officials that would compromise the safety of players on the field, then the NSCAA could take necessary action (warn the officials they are being monitored, or find new officials to referee the game).
Ms. Lambert acted towards the BYU players in this way because she knew she could. The referee ruined a game no one would have remembered had he acted swiftly like any good ref would have (more on the previous sentence in #1, but read #2 first).
By the way, the worst referee ever is a tie between Christos Michas and Michel Kitabdjian.
2. The rules
Unlimited substitutions? What the point in being a starter if you are off the field in six minutes? Possibly a product of the 'feel good' generation, unlimited substitutions means every player on the roster could play at least one minute in the game. Alongside other monstrosities as 'everyone gets a trophy day' and 'every game ends in a tie', unlimited substitutions make the starting lineup irrelevant, and place quantity ahead of quality.
Fitness in sports, in particular soccer, is a must. The coach must count on the player to play the entire game and still think and play in the 85th minute almost the same way as in the 2nd minute of the game. The mindset of a player and her fitness level are interwoven with respect to this idea: If a player believes she is good for 60 minutes, then she will play for better than 60 minutes (fitness +/- adrenaline + willpower). Unlimited substitutions, therefore, hampers the mindset of the player because she will 'look over her shoulder' for the coach to sub her out or in at any given time. As a result, how the player spends her time on the field, which I call "quality", is less important or irrelevant when compared to the amount of time given to the player on the field or "quantity".
Another subject about the "quality and quantity" of time is about the game clock: It never stops! While the clock runs from 45 minutes to zero non-stop, except for injuries, no one makes admission for injury time (time added for stoppages). In theory, if team A leads team B by one goal with seven minutes to play they could kick the ball out of play for four of those minutes, and thus play only 41 minutes in that half. The issue of the clock running down is troublesome, but no injury time in soccer is ridiculous.
In life someone wins and someone loses, someone gets to start at central midfield and another gets to keep the bench from flying away, someone plays in the game and someone waits in the stands because they could not crack the lineup card. Life is about winning, losing, and how to deal with both; until we can, college soccer will never be more than a sideshow.
Ms. Lambert took advantage of the rules when she attacked any or all BYU players around her at random. The players on the field for UNM and BYU were not focused on feeding off or withstanding Ms. Lambert's actions; while BYU defeated UNM 1-0, the quality and spirit of the contest was no doubt diminished.
1. YOU
Returning to the previous example of the Big East Championship, one would notice the empty stands, tents, the vast grassy clearing in front of the trees, the school gymnasium, and the parking lot. What was missing, aside from twenty or so onlookers that got in for free, were people...this means YOU: The person who doesn't care about soccer and the person that equates soccer to watching paint dry or grass grow! If there is no immediate action, danger or timer, then sports like soccer in North America are an inconvenience.
A glaring example can be found in the hapless broadcasters stuck talking about the mind-numbing and standstill action taking place. The endless banter about things about outside of the contest at hand, the over-sized and overused graphics of irrelevant and outdated data, the endless repeats of the university mantra from the previous century, and the "return to the exciting contest as soon as something interesting happens" (a la Monty Python) formula North American broadcasters regurgitate during soccer games. While these annoyances prompt this soccer fan to press the button, they are all for YOU to get YOU interested in soccer.
The idiocy behind the rules for overtime, the purposeful match-fixing of teams to play for shootouts, and the zoom-in of cameras on ugly players blubbering tears after losing important games; these and other ridiculous ideas are designed for YOU. If YOU showed interest in soccer, the rules would reflect how one must play soccer, the referees would be accountable and not anonymous, the tactics would be more creative and not archaic, and the level of play would be up there with MLS or, perish the thought, the Premier League!
However, YOU don't care about soccer that much...YOU are only interested in the Elizabeth Lamberts of the world. YOU let reasons #2-5 come about because of lack of interest in soccer, therefore YOU are the reason not to blame Elizabeth Lambert! If Ms. Lambert did not become the Ms. Lambert in the ESPN highlight package, then you would never have known Elizabeth Lambert existed and you would have never finished reading this installment of "The Franchise".
Thanks for reading,
Phil
Violence in SOCCER? NOT SOCCER? WHY THE BEAUTIFUL GAME IS TOO PURE AND HOLY TO BE DEFILED BY SUCH ACTIONS!
Indeed she did; in case you never saw the clips or can't see them enough, please watch the following highlight clip below this paragraph. This news item is brought to you by ESPN, Youtube, and the number 15...
Elizabeth Lambert on ESPN
I must state, before I begin, Ms. Lambert's conduct was deplorable and reprehensible. Her actions embarrassed the game of soccer, the NSCAA, the University of New Mexico, Brigham Young University, both sets of players, coaches, fans, her family and friends, and most of all the individual named Elizabeth Lambert. There is no telling what damage her on-field actions will do to her career and reputation as her university handed her an indefinite suspension from the program. I agree with the action UNM took in suspending Ms. Lambert, however, the following list of reasons will serve to explain why we can't blame Ms. Lambert for being that girl in the soccer highlights.
5. Brigham Young University
This selection sounds like a cop-out to the casual observer because it could be any other university at #5. What counts here is BYU wanted to win and in the worst way possible (1-0). Whether it is in team sports or military combat, the enemy is no longer human; they are a 'roadblock' standing between you and success. Elizabeth Lambert and her UNM teammates believed BYU was that 'roadblock' to overcome, and Ms. Lambert took the example to heart.
Perhaps she was returning similar favours from previous contests with BYU or other opponents? Perhaps 'the opponent' ran up the score on her team, reduced her goalie and teammate to a puddle of tears, and even found the back of the net from 30 yards out? Perhaps someone called her a name she did not like? We will never know; what remains is a four minute highlight tape of Ms. Lambert's worst moments as a soccer player and Brigham Young's finest student athletes being taken advantage of by a ruthless opponent.
Whether Ms. Lambert played against BYU or any other college would make little or no difference; since there is no evidence she premeditated actions on the players of BYU, it stands to reason she would have behaved the same way that hour of that day against any other team UNM played against.
4. Coaching
Before typing this essay, I watched one of the Big East semifinals and the Big East championship on CBS College Sports Channel for some background information on the college game. A conference championship should be a big deal in the United States, at least in college football anyway. Both the semifinal, which pit Notre Dame against St. John's, and the final, again featuring Notre Dame and Marquette, were almost carbon copies of each other in three respects.
- Long ball tactics or 'Island hopping': Pump the ball downfield as hard as you can, and hope someone from the same team is underneath to stop it from bouncing.
- Set pieces or 'Where's Waldo?': During free kicks or corner kicks, there will be at least one person suffering a brain cramp when the ball is in the air.
- In the words of George W. Bush, "If it feels good, do it; if you got a problem, blame somebody else.": Absolve yourself of blame if the ball is in your net; a blank stare will suffice.
Another sticking point, for example, is the loss of urgency in the college game. Marquette is losing 2-1 with the clock ticking down and their coach refuses to change from a rigid 4-4-2 formation to a hurry-up, everyone forward, long ball attack mode. Punctuating this lack of creativity is a ridiculous Marquette throw-in along the sidelines to no one other than Irish midfielders. Before college coaches can hope to revolutionize the game of soccer, they must first catch up with the times.
Ms. Lambert took advantage of these outdated tactics employed in college soccer when she used violent tactics to break up ancient offensive strategies.
3. The Ref
They are nameless, overweight, awkward, ghastly, wearing mustard yellow and black Tye Dye outfits, and they make Brett Hull's winner in '99 look legitimate (Hi Jim Kelley!).
The referee during this fiasco comes in at #3 because again like most nameless, one game only referees in the college game he lacked training in handling this powder keg. One question arises during the highlight package ESPN spun together of Ms. Lambert's last game: "Why did the referee permit this to go on?"
There is no answer because the referee has no name, no reputation, and there is no evidence of a formal review process. If any of the previous three things are known to the general public, then there could be an avenue for one to investigate further into the actions and abilities of the referee and his linesmen (if anyone has information to the contrary, please let me know so I can post it as a reply/update and avoid legal trouble. I don't like going after referees like this, but I have very little to go on. Thanks!).
There was an apology from Ms. Lambert, yet no word from the NSCAA about the status of the officials in charge during that game, and if they are still officiating for the NSCAA. If there was information about these officials that would compromise the safety of players on the field, then the NSCAA could take necessary action (warn the officials they are being monitored, or find new officials to referee the game).
Ms. Lambert acted towards the BYU players in this way because she knew she could. The referee ruined a game no one would have remembered had he acted swiftly like any good ref would have (more on the previous sentence in #1, but read #2 first).
By the way, the worst referee ever is a tie between Christos Michas and Michel Kitabdjian.
2. The rules
Unlimited substitutions? What the point in being a starter if you are off the field in six minutes? Possibly a product of the 'feel good' generation, unlimited substitutions means every player on the roster could play at least one minute in the game. Alongside other monstrosities as 'everyone gets a trophy day' and 'every game ends in a tie', unlimited substitutions make the starting lineup irrelevant, and place quantity ahead of quality.
Fitness in sports, in particular soccer, is a must. The coach must count on the player to play the entire game and still think and play in the 85th minute almost the same way as in the 2nd minute of the game. The mindset of a player and her fitness level are interwoven with respect to this idea: If a player believes she is good for 60 minutes, then she will play for better than 60 minutes (fitness +/- adrenaline + willpower). Unlimited substitutions, therefore, hampers the mindset of the player because she will 'look over her shoulder' for the coach to sub her out or in at any given time. As a result, how the player spends her time on the field, which I call "quality", is less important or irrelevant when compared to the amount of time given to the player on the field or "quantity".
Another subject about the "quality and quantity" of time is about the game clock: It never stops! While the clock runs from 45 minutes to zero non-stop, except for injuries, no one makes admission for injury time (time added for stoppages). In theory, if team A leads team B by one goal with seven minutes to play they could kick the ball out of play for four of those minutes, and thus play only 41 minutes in that half. The issue of the clock running down is troublesome, but no injury time in soccer is ridiculous.
In life someone wins and someone loses, someone gets to start at central midfield and another gets to keep the bench from flying away, someone plays in the game and someone waits in the stands because they could not crack the lineup card. Life is about winning, losing, and how to deal with both; until we can, college soccer will never be more than a sideshow.
Ms. Lambert took advantage of the rules when she attacked any or all BYU players around her at random. The players on the field for UNM and BYU were not focused on feeding off or withstanding Ms. Lambert's actions; while BYU defeated UNM 1-0, the quality and spirit of the contest was no doubt diminished.
1. YOU
Returning to the previous example of the Big East Championship, one would notice the empty stands, tents, the vast grassy clearing in front of the trees, the school gymnasium, and the parking lot. What was missing, aside from twenty or so onlookers that got in for free, were people...this means YOU: The person who doesn't care about soccer and the person that equates soccer to watching paint dry or grass grow! If there is no immediate action, danger or timer, then sports like soccer in North America are an inconvenience.
A glaring example can be found in the hapless broadcasters stuck talking about the mind-numbing and standstill action taking place. The endless banter about things about outside of the contest at hand, the over-sized and overused graphics of irrelevant and outdated data, the endless repeats of the university mantra from the previous century, and the "return to the exciting contest as soon as something interesting happens" (a la Monty Python) formula North American broadcasters regurgitate during soccer games. While these annoyances prompt this soccer fan to press the button, they are all for YOU to get YOU interested in soccer.
The idiocy behind the rules for overtime, the purposeful match-fixing of teams to play for shootouts, and the zoom-in of cameras on ugly players blubbering tears after losing important games; these and other ridiculous ideas are designed for YOU. If YOU showed interest in soccer, the rules would reflect how one must play soccer, the referees would be accountable and not anonymous, the tactics would be more creative and not archaic, and the level of play would be up there with MLS or, perish the thought, the Premier League!
However, YOU don't care about soccer that much...YOU are only interested in the Elizabeth Lamberts of the world. YOU let reasons #2-5 come about because of lack of interest in soccer, therefore YOU are the reason not to blame Elizabeth Lambert! If Ms. Lambert did not become the Ms. Lambert in the ESPN highlight package, then you would never have known Elizabeth Lambert existed and you would have never finished reading this installment of "The Franchise".
Thanks for reading,
Phil
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Thumbs Down, Marseille!
If there was a Don Cherry in football, he would be as outraged as me. Therefore, I will put on my tight, flannel blazer, power tie, and do my best Grapes impression...ahem...
You see these guys from Marseille, eh? They come into Slovakia to play Zilina FC in the Champions League. Zilina is having a rough time in the tournament after losing all three of their matches so far, and Marseille comes in and whips them 7-0! How dare these guys embarrass the hometown club in front of their supporters, celebrating each goal, and whooping it up in front of their fans like they are Kings of Europe! Don't get me wrong, I know Marseille is in a dogfight with Spartak Moscow and Chelsea FC for one of two spots in the next round, but you don't embarrass the hosts when you come to a party! This may be the only times Zilina will see big European clubs in their stadium, and if you are going to win you do it with class, and not by running up scores.
This is football? This is what people regard as excitement?! Well, you don't run up scores; that's not the Canadian way! Marseille do this all the time, and they wonder why they always get bounced from the Champions League? They get bounced because the "football gods" always get you in the end! There will come a time when Marseille will need ONE measly goal, and they will not find it.
Yea, keep laughing, because you will not be for long. Maybe not in the Champions League, but somewhere down the road!
Phew...how was that? For more information on this match, check out the Canadian Press' report and UEFA's comprehensive coverage of the UEFA Champions League on UEFA.com.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Defeat
How do you handle defeat? What makes you cry? Would you give it all in exchange for one moment in time? I do, which is probably why this football story hits home with me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1PRTEbTvfc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1PRTEbTvfc
(I apologize for the video quality, but according to the person who uploaded it the video was meant for cell phone screens. As the movie progresses quality improves marginally, nevertheless the audio is alright)Saturday, October 23, 2010
Classic Post of an Old Favourite: "Fabio versus The FA" or "Whose Side is it Anyway?"
Robert Green was Fabio's man; he made the decision I would make. On the eve of the opening 2010 World Cup match against the reborn and improved United States, England manager Fabio Capello chose Robert Green over David James to start in goal for jolly old England that night in South Africa. I will not regale you with my earlier musings on David James and his ineptitude in big games, but Robert Green did have a reputation for stealing games, and playing against impossible odds. Fabio knew that, too, and chose Green.
England led 1-0 after an early goal from Steven Gerrard to open the contest. Then, this happened...
Embarrassment to say the least. As in the Nike commercials of soccer lore, Green wrote the future. Watching the game in my living room, I made a correct yet insensitive remark, "No matter how well he plays, he will never play for his country in the World Cup again."
Insensitive because we all have moments like this, or at least worse (see Jim Marshall). Robert Green made a mistake, but he should never be under a bus. If you claim your team is a favourite, and if I have more fingers on my hand than you have "goals scored", you don't deserve to win. No one goalie blunder can erase that.
Second, I was correct because Robert Green was Fabio's man, and not the FA's man: David James. Since 1966, The Football Association (of England) undermines and overrules its managers at every turn. The shift from a "player's coach" like Sir Alf Ramsey and Sir Bobby Robson, to "company men" like Sven-Goran Eriksson and Ron Greenwood happens with clockwork regularity. You can read the full history of England's managers on Wikipedia, yet when strong-willed and popular managers get too close to their players (see Sir Alf, 1974 World Cup qualifying...be patient it's a long example), or when "company men" prove how their ineptness for the job (see Graeme Taylor, 1994 World Cup qualifying), these managers get the axe.
My favourite example comes from 1977 - The FA hold interviews for the manager vacancy after the resignation of Don Revie. Popular, outspoken, and uncontrollable manager Brian Clough is a front runner for the job, but he interviews before a preliminary panel. The FA already made their decision: Ron Greenwood. He lasts five years: Failing to qualify for the 1978 World Cup, group stage in the Euro 1980, and the second round in the 1982 World Cup. Meanwhile, Clough wins one league championship in 1978, and back-to-back European Club Championships in 1979 and 1980 with Nottingham Forest. Hmm...
What will it take to rid England of the snake-bitten label? Who is in charge of England for Euro 2012: Fabio or The FA? Will David James be in goal again?
As for Robert Green, he never did tend goal again for England in the 2010 World Cup. David James, who became Fabio's "reluctant" choice goaltender, guided England out of the group stage. As expected they faced stiff opposition in Germany in the second round; as expected, David James and England folded up like pup tents 4-1 to the Germans. What? No sound?!
For the record, Robert Green is still my man for the job.
Now, Elton John will sing Candle in the Wind.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Czar Blatter: The man behind the curtain?
Why am I the only one willing to question the divine origin of all words spoken by Czar Blatter I? When the Czar speaks we all tremble, but no longer shall I be fooled by him who speaks from his ivory tower deep in the European countryside.
What is he talking about?
The man behind the curtain refuses to address the real issues plaguing the game of soccer because he can afford to. FIFA is the chair of "The Beautiful Business": They are in charge of the world's most popular sport, its rules, and directs sovereign countries on how they should play the game. Meanwhile, FIFA buries its head in the sand when faced with the everyday issues surrounding the game, such as corruption on the field such as biased referees, and corruption off the field involving refusal to get tough on crimes based on race, religion, or creed directly impacting the game. The "Old Firm" rivalry of Scotland, the treatment of black players in Spanish or Italian league matches, or the collapse of the South African infrastructure as a result of the 2010 World Cup are issues FIFA ignores, for example. "What to do about gameplay" is a minor issue in light of these blights on the game of soccer.
If he must tweak gameplay, however, keep the rules the same and introduce goal-line technology. The technology is there, but for reasons unknown or outdated the Czar maintains the status quo on bringing soccer into the twenty-first century.
"Soccer in the lower levels does not have video review; why should we?"
This is a paraphrased rebuttal Czar Blatter uses whenever goal-line technology or "video review" comes up. Other sports use this technology because it makes the game better, helps the referees get it right, and brings legitimacy to the game. However, like the microphones wired to the heads of some World Cup referees, FIFA does not use them. This is the benefit of being the monopoly or lone shareholder of soccer. No timetable, no business rivals, and every person on this planet, even soccer haters, must ultimately go to FIFA for the final word.
Well, I'm not going to play the fool anymore. I don't need Toto to pull back the curtain to reveal who is really at fault for soccer's current malade (is that a word?). Czar Blatter: Abdicate.
This blog post is dedicated to the memory of my cousin Carl Headley in England, who passed away from a sudden illness. We miss you, Carl.
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